Several months ago, I did an in-depth study of the first epistle of John. The central theme of this epistle is the assurance of God’s salvation, and it provides several traits of a true Christian. I found these marks useful, and I summarized them in a blog post so others could get encouraged and assured of their salvation.
But ironically, the post made me doubt my salvation and got me discouraged.
I don’t know if I was assured of my final destination before I studied 1 John. I never gave it a second thought. God saved me, and that was the end. Studying 1 John compelled me to examine myself to see if I was indeed in the faith. As I prayerfully looked over the marks of a true Christian, I noticed several shreds of evidence of it in my life. However, it is their presence—albeit unperfect, that made me doubt my salvation. Not their absence.
It doesn’t make sense, but let me try and explain why.
I am a rule follower. In high school, friends called me goody two shoes because of my compulsion to obey the rules. I am the kind of person who always read the manual or instruction labels and follow the guidelines (even when I know them beforehand). I am the kind of person who accidentally enters a Walmart by the exit door and turns around to come by the right one even though they are next to each other (true story).
Basically, I am kind of like Hermione Granger. But she is worse than me.
Hence, when I identified the marks of a true Christian, I wondered if the only reason they were present in my life was because of my law-abiding nature. Even when I was a false convert in the Roman Catholic Church, I tried to keep all the rules of the Christian lives to the best of my ability. That meant keeping the ten commandments, fasting during lent, going through all the sacraments, attending church regularly, giving money, etc. I did all these because that’s what the church said I had to do, whether I liked it or not.
How then could I be sure I wasn’t still doing the same thing now? What if I was only obeying the Bible because I was legalistic instead of regenerated?
I compared myself to the rich young ruler who once begged Jesus for the keys to eternal life. He had also followed all the rules to the best of his ability. His deeds resembled and probably even exceeded those of a genuine believer. Yet he wasn’t saved. So how could I say that I was? What if, despite whatever fruits I witnessed in my life, I still lacked something?
I followed the rich young ruler’s example and took it to the Lord in prayer. It then occurred to me that perhaps I was looking at my salvation with the wrong perspective. I was focusing on my works as evidence rather than the works of God.
His grace was the evidence I needed most.
When I examined my life, I saw Him providing for all my needs, chastising me when I rebelled, forgiving me when I sinned, guiding me when I was lost, giving peace and joy during hard times, and wrapping me in His presence when I was lonely. In all these things, I see the actions of a loving Father carefully watching over His precious child. And that more than anything convinced me I was indeed His.
This is not to deny the importance of bearing fruits and doing good works. They can still serve as evidence of salvation since faith without works is dead. However, they can be faked or not flow from a regenerated heart.
But God’s atoning work in our salvation and preservation is undeniable.
