When You Are Not Where You Want To Be In Life

Do you ever have moments in your life when you feel like you are not where you want to be? Maybe by now, you thought would be married, have kids, or further along in your career. But sadly, you are not there yet?

You try your best to get ahead, yet can’t get a break. Meanwhile, everyone around you is moving forward while you are stuck. If you ever felt this way, keep reading. You are in good company.

Last week I celebrated my birthday! I rejoiced that twenty-seven years ago, God breathed life into my nostrils. He chose me for Himself and started a beautiful story infused with His love and grace. However, this joyous occasion was overshadowed by the growing awareness that my life is not where I want it to be, where I think it should be.

As I am entering my late twenties, time seems to be the only thing in my life moving forward. After living for more than a quarter-century, I thought I would have more meaningful relationships. I believed today would be the “someday” I looked forward to seven years ago. The someday when things would be different; when I would finally have a community and overcome loneliness for good.

But this birthday, like the previous ones, was just a brutal reminder of where I am in my relationships. Only my family members remembered and wished me a happy birthday, no friends called or thought of me. And I spent the day by myself. Again.

Moreover, this is the twenty-seventh birthday in a row without a more “intimate friend.” But this year my birthday teamed up with another event to forcibly remind me of my singleness: my brother’s wedding. My brother got married a couple of weeks ago and officially left me the last unmarried member in the family. I was even the only single person at my table. Nevertheless, the wedding was terrific, and I had a lot of fun.

But no sooner than the newlyweds went off to their marital bliss, did I feel a little melancholy. I became painfully aware of how far behind I am in that area, and that my last relationship was a brief three months affair almost a decade ago. And though it pains me to be at such a place in my relationships, it’s not my worst disappointment.

When it comes to reaching a certain point in life, my career is the most heartbreaking area. I graduated from University almost six years ago, I have a postgraduate degree, and two certificates. Yet I have never worked with any of these degrees. Even more, I have spent more time unemployed than employed.

And as I am now in my most extended unemployment season, I feel like a failure. I have let down my parents who sacrificed so much for me to get that degree, and I can’t give them a return of their investment. By now, I thought I would be able to give back financially, but instead, I am still taking; and racking up debts to boot.

At age 27, I am so far from where I thought I would be in life. And every birthday is a fresh reminder of that. A gentle whisper that time is running out for me, and I will never make it up. But I still have hope because I serve the almighty God, the author of time, and a great redeemer. I know that even now, He can turn things around. If, like me, you feel like you are not where you want to be in life, here are a few things helping me cope with it.

Don’t get pressured by others’ expectations of where you should be in life

It seems everyone in my family is in a hurry to marry me off. My mother is always eager to introduce me to the sons of her friends in the hopes it will click. Do you also have people in your life who have expectations of you and tell you where and when you should be?

Don’t get pressured by their expectations, even if they come from a place of love. Once I stopped feeling obligated to meet everyone’s’ expectation and accepted that my life will run at its own pace, I felt more liberated. It’s okay to be single at 30, to not have kids at 40, or to begin your career ten years after you graduated from college. It’s not fun to be sure, but life is unpredictable, and things will not always go as we plan.

As Jay Shetty said in this very inspiring video:” don’t let anyone rush you with their timelines.” Don’t feel pressured to accomplish something fast or reach a particular milestone by a certain age because of others.

Avoid comparing yourself to others

When you are not where you want to be in life, it is almost natural to compare yourself with others. And thanks to social media, it is easier than ever to keep up with the Joneses. But remember that God is the author of our stories, and He made each one as diverse as snowflakes; that is, none are alike. Furthermore, comparing will always make you believe you are not where you want to be in life, and you will never feel content.

Comparison is one of my biggest struggles. All around me, people are celebrating work anniversaries, buying houses, marrying, having kids, and I just can’t help but compare myself to them. This leads me to use their lives as a metric of my own success. And when I can’t get to where they are, I think I have failed.

But there is no point in comparing myself to others; I don’t know the details of their journeys. I don’t know what it took for them to get where they are, nor do I know what they are going through.

What I do know is that comparison is a thief of joy that breeds envy and bitterness. Take Saul, for instance. Comparing himself to David made him envious and bitter. It consumed His life until he fell on his sword.

Change your perspective

There is a common expression that says that in life, we can see the glass as half empty or half full. This principle can apply to when you feel like you are not where you want to be in life. “if you can’t change your circumstances, change your perspective.”

When I focus on all the things I wish I had accomplished, I tend to feel depressed. But lately, I have been training myself to shift my perspective. Instead of despairing over what I have yet to achieve, I celebrate what I have accomplished. Instead of worrying about the long path set before me, I rejoice over how far I have come. And instead of dwelling on where I think I should be, I focus on where I am.

For example, even though I have yet to work with my degree, I celebrate that I have a degree. Even better, I have an advanced degree! According to statistics, I am more educated than 85% of Americans. It is a bit better to think about that rather than to dwell on my unemployment.

Likewise, shift your perspective and begin to celebrate your successes. Ask yourself what is working well in your life, what are your victories, in what ways are you better than you were yesterday, or a year ago. The point is not to flatter your ego or pat yourself on the back. But to feel encouraged and meditate on good things.

Trust God’s timing for your life

Lastly, we need to trust God’s timing. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says there is a time and season for everything in life. If you are not where you want to be, it’s just not the time yet.

Nevertheless, if you are like me, at some point, you may think the time is right, and you are ready to move on to the next phase. Like the children of Israel who left Egypt in their armor, maybe thinking they were ready to face battle.

But God’s ways are higher than ours. Just as He knew the children of Israel weren’t prepared to face war and get to the promised land, He knows when we are not ready to face the difficulties that are on the path to where we want to be. And in His mercy and wisdom, He makes us take a long way and wander through the desert for some time

So, don’t try to rush God’s timing! If He says it not time, trust Him and have hope that your season will come. As Craig Groeschel said, “if it is not God’s time, you can’t force it. If it is God’s time, you can’t stop it.”

Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. You might not always reach a certain mile as fast as you want, and sometimes you might have to take detours due to unforeseen circumstances in your path.

But hold on to this truth: you may not be where you want to be, but you are where God wants you to be. You are not lost, nor are you falling behind. You are exactly where you should be.

  Grace and peace to you!