The Testing of My Faith: Unemployment

This is the first installment in a four-part series entitled” The Testing of My Faith.” It is a series about various trials I have been going through, how they have affected my faith and relationship with God, and, most importantly, what God taught me through them.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produce patience.

James 1:2-3

A little over five years ago, I walked on a stage wearing a cap and gown to receive a bachelor’s degree. Hopes and dreams filled my head as I walked away with my diploma in hand. I imagined I would get my dream job, work in a great company, receive excellent pay and benefits, and start a promising career in my field.

But God had other plans for me, and my dream didn’t become a reality. Fast forward to the present; I still don’t have that dream job nor ever had any position in my field. The promising career I hoped for turned into long periods of unemployment, paused by little survival jobs in between.

To escape my fruitless job search, I decided to go to graduate school. And to God be the glory, I became a Christian there. (read my testimony here). At first, I believed God would work all things for my good, and I would finally have a job. But when that didn’t happen, I had my first crisis of belief.

I was confused, frustrated, and even mad at God for not giving me what I have desired for so long. I didn’t think I was asking for something unreasonable. He created work and ordained us to it after all. Why wouldn’t He give me one? It caused me to doubt His character, His goodness, and His love. And with every failed interview grew resentment towards God, and with every job rejection, bitterness.

For the rest of that year, my relationship with God didn’t improve. I stopped spending time with God in the word, and my prayer life had become mostly requests and accusations.

Eventually, the Holy Spirit convicted me of this, and I realized I had been immature. At the beginning of the year, I was so excited to become a Christian, to read my Bible and know God better. Now, by the year’s end, I returned to the facade of a Christian I used to be before Jesus rescued me, only because He didn’t grant my three wishes.

I rededicated my life to Christ again and reminded myself that I first became attracted to God because of His heart, not His hand. As I rekindled my relationship with God, He revealed to me that something else was sitting on the throne of my heart. My career was an idol. I had been looking for a position to give me things only He could provide. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I learned the following truths that helped evict that idol from my heart.

1. Work does not declare my worth

I used to associate my worth to a monetary value and title. So bereft of a job, I truly believed I was worthless. Whenever I tried to convince myself otherwise, I would receive another rejection that reinforced that belief. Since no one would hire me, it meant I was not valuable or an asset.

But God taught me otherwise. He showed me that a job doesn’t tell me my worth, He does. The only one that can tell me my worth is the one that created me, and He has declared me priceless at the cross! I no longer look at any job or even anyone to tell me what I am worth. Jesus already did so on Calvary.

2. Work does not define my identity

I also believed that a job would give me my identity. Without a job, I didn’t know who I was or what to call myself. It seemed to me that an occupation defined people. Everyone I met always mentioned their job titles, and it was who they were. All I could ever say was, “I am currently looking for a job” or “unemployed.”

A friend once told me just to call myself an Engineer since that is what I studied. Though without validation from an actual job, I couldn’t assume that identity. If I couldn’t call myself an engineer, then what was I? Who was I? God told me I was His. He already gave me an identity when He created me in His image. Now I know that a job is just a role, something I do, but who I am, is a child of God.

3. Work does not give my life a meaning

Lastly, I trusted a position to provide me with a purpose and give my life meaning. I spent 20 years going to school to prepare for a job and then will spend the rest of my life doing it. Without an occupation, it seemed my life would have no meaning. It was the reason to get out of bed every morning, and the thing to fill my days. Without a job, I felt a void I couldn’t fill.

But God filled it with Himself. I learned that when He created me, the aim wasn’t to become an engineer but to worship Him. My real purpose, what gives my life meaning, is knowing God and making Him known. It is glorifying Him and producing good works, obeying, and enjoying Him. God created me for Himself, not for a career that will last a sliver of eternity.

God used this trial not only to refine my faith but also to renew me. Job said to His wife, “shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10). Sometimes when God lets us go through trials, we don’t understand why and hate those seasons. But everything God does is for our good. And we ought to accept everything God gives, hard as it may be.

At the writing of this post, I am unemployed, and I admit I don’t like it. However, I can’t deny the good it did for me. I learned to base my faith on God’s character, not His gifts. And I learned to hold on to Him even when it hurts. During this particular trial, I learned that He is the one that gives me my worth, identity, and purpose, not a job. I would never have learned that if I didn’t go through unemployment and had to look elsewhere to satisfy those needs.

If you are in hard season too, persevere and cling on to God. It may be night now, but the morning will eventually come, and the day will rise with your faith tested and stronger.

Read next: The Testing of My Faith: Loneliness

 Grace and peace to you!