The Testing of my Faith: No Money

This is the fourth and last installment in a four-part series titled” The Testing of My Faith.” It is a series about various trials I have been going through, how they have affected my faith, my relationship with God, and, most importantly, what God taught me through them. If you haven’t read the previous posts, here they are unemployment, loneliness, and singleness. The last topic is low finances.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience

James 1:2-3

When it comes to money, I have always had a laid back attitude towards it. I don’t like arguing about money, and I don’t hold a special attachment to it. My motto is “money comes, money goes.” Hence I never thought it would become an obstacle in my walk with Jesus. But it did when I began tithing.

A year into my newfound faith, I got my first job out of college and began tithing immediately. I was excited at the opportunity to obey God and honor Him with the first of my produce. I didn’t mind that it was a small earning job that made me live paycheck to paycheck. I was happy to give it.

Like many other Christians, I had heard lots of sermons on tithing. I heard pastors preached how God will always bless us if we tithe, and of course, Malachi 3:10. Furthermore, I heard many testimonies of Christians who tithed and got a surprising amount of money; salary raises, promotions, etc.

Great as all that sounded, I tried not to make it the focus of my giving. So when no blessings (at least financial ones) came my way, I kept on tithing faithfully and trusting God. And it was all good until it wasn’t.

About four months into tithing, instead of unexpected blessings, I got unexpected expenses.

First, my car broke down, and the cost to fix it was $1800! I didn’t even have half that amount in my bank account. I prayed and asked God for help, and sort of reminded Him that I was due some blessing from my tithing. God didn’t seem to think so, and nothing happened. I was only able to fix my car partly and haven’t fixed the rest to this day. So pray for me, my heart occasionally skips a beat when I am driving.

The next unexpected expense came three months later, and it was another massive bill. It wiped clean all the savings I had managed to accumulate since the last unexpected expense. Again I sought God’s help, and still, I didn’t receive anything and went further into debt.

At that time, I was still tithing, and I was considering stopping. I was quite broke and could have used that money elsewhere. Besides, tithing was not working for me. However, I remembered why I started tithing in the first place and decided to plod on. Despite all those misfortunes, I kept on trusting God. But then the coup de grâce came; I lost my job. 

When I lost my job, I was broke as a joke! I had no savings and lots of debts. At first, I didn’t panic; I thought surely God would help me now that I lost my source of income. So I prayed persistently for financial help and to find another job. But nothing happened like in the testimonies; no stranger felt like blessing me, no one offered to pay my groceries at the counter, and no random refund came in the mail. What happened instead were more debts.

As my debts increased, so did my doubts about God. I could understand Him not giving me a job, friends, or a spouse; it’s not guaranteed anywhere in Scriptures. However, Jesus said quite clearly that He would always provide for us, and we shouldn’t worry. Why then couldn’t I find a job? Why was I struggling? How was I not to worry when I didn’t know how my next meal would come?

I couldn’t reconcile God’s faithfulness with my circumstances, and as a result, I couldn’t keep trusting Him. Sometimes when I heard how God was faithful and would always provide, a part of me laughed. Laughed like Sarah in the tent who didn’t believe God could make her pregnant.

I thought God didn’t keep His promise in Malachi 3:10 even though I tithed faithfully. And now in my unemployment, He wasn’t providing for me as He said.

It was a struggle to hold on to my faith, and not believe the lies that God was unfaithful and didn’t care about me. I wrestled with God and many times asked Him to help me keep my faith and believe in Him. How or when it happened, I can’t say, but things began to change.

I started looking at my situation with a different perspective and focused on what I had instead of what I lacked.

I realized that even though I had been unemployed for months with zero savings, I had been able to make rent, afford food, and pay my bills mostly on time. Additionally, I began to see the little ways in which God helped me; when a statement came in smaller than it should have been, a family member sent me something or when I was able to reduce my expenses and save money.

Sure His provision was not always smooth and easy, nor was it how I wanted, but God had been faithful. I couldn’t see it because it came with dust and spit instead of trumpets and lightning.

Here is the truth I learned: God has been faithful for thousands of years; He was not about to stop on my account.

I also came to understand that God is my provider, not a job.

I had heard it in church many times that God is our provider, Yahweh Yireh. Sometimes I even claimed it, but I never appreciated it nor fully believed it. Most of the time, I depended on a position more than I depended on God. I mean, money didn’t fall from the sky unto my lap, but it did come from a paycheck. It made sense to think of a job as my provider.

But through this experience,  Jesus taught me that He is the one that provides for me. Every good and perfect gift I have is from God (James 1:17) A job is a means but not the source. I erroneously put my trust in the gift instead of the gifter, but now I know that God is my real provider. Employed or not, God is the one who supplies all my needs.

And my God shall supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

Lastly, I learned to take one day at a time.

Even though God was faithful and providing for me, I was still broke and struggling to make ends meet. Especially last September, when by day two, I had already spent all the money I had, and they were still some bills coming up. 

I became extremely anxious and scared, so I prayed and read the Bible, hoping it would calm me. I read Matthew 6:25-34, which is kind of my to-go verse for financial difficulties. As I was reading those verses, the idea to take one day at a time began to form in my mind.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:34

Taking one day at a time is merely focusing on the day at hand, as Jesus said.  Every day when I woke up, I assessed my needs for just the day. I checked if I had enough money for the day, checked if I had enough food for the day and if I had all I needed for the day. I realized I did, and I thanked God for His provision and stopped there.

See, my anxiety came when I thought about paying future bills and had no money in the present. But when I just took a day at a time and didn’t think about what I would need the following day, my anxiety significantly reduced over time, and I had peace.

Furthermore, it made me learn to depend on God for my daily bread instead of things or people. It also made me feel more thankful as I could see and appreciate His provision day by day. Eventually, the bills that initially stressed me so much somehow got resolved. Worrying about it would have done nothing.

I am not advocating against planning or preparing for tomorrow, as a matter of fact, I still looked for a job and other ways to earn an income. What I am saying is to not worry about tomorrow, to let go and let God.

Trust that He will take of your needs and not stress about things that may not even come to pass. Take one day at a time, have peace, rely on God, and develop a thankful heart by paying attention to what He has already given you instead of focusing on what he has not.

God is faithful! He will always provide for us. Sometimes it might be in extraordinary testimony-worthy ways, but sometimes through simple ordinary means.  His provision may not always be how we want it, and we might still struggle, but He will always give us what we need.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23 

This concludes the “Testing of My Faith” series. I initially didn’t want to write this series. First, the things I wrote about are very personal, and I didn’t want to share them. Secondly, I am still going through everything I wrote about and thought it would be better to share “finished” testimonies.

However, I felt led by the Holy Spirit to write about it, so I decided to trust Him. I hope one or more of the posts in this series inspired or encouraged you. If you are going through something similar, I pray you have learned something from my experience that will help you.

If anything I have written in this series resonates with you and you want to talk more, feel free to contact me.

I look forward to sharing with you all the resolution of my trials and give a testimony of how God worked it all out.

  Grace and peace to you!