The Testing of my Faith: Loneliness

This is the second installment in a four-part series titled” The Testing of My Faith.” It is a series about various trials I have been going through, how they have affected my faith, my relationship with God, and, most importantly, what God taught me through them. You can go back and read the first post which on unemployment here. This post is on a tough issue for me: loneliness.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience

James 1:2-3

Loneliness befriended me at the tender age of 15. It came into my life quietly at first and only manifested itself when I was alone. With time though, it became bolder and followed me around, even when I was with people. It became like a second shadow, and nothing could break its hold on me. Whereas friends have come in and gone out of my life, loneliness has been my most faithful companion.

Coming to America for college, I lost all my contacts and friends from high school and had to start over. It was hard enough to deal with culture shock, but I had the extra handicap of being an introvert and shy. People intimidated me, and social gatherings made me anxious and uncomfortable. These made it hard for me to make friends. When people didn’t mistake my shyness for arrogance, they were discouraged by it.

Throughout my undergraduate studies, I was known as the quiet girl; most of my classmates probably didn’t even know my name. I felt like I was never seen and never heard. Despite my many attempts to make friends with my mates, it never went beyond the classroom or study groups. My efforts in making friends through on-campus organizations didn’t yield better results, either. Though I socialized with people at meetings, it always ended up as mere acquaintances.

As a result of this, I spent most of my undergraduate studies alone. I spent my weekends in my dorm room alone, went out alone, ate at the dining hall by myself, college events by myself, etc., and it hurt me a lot. The difficulty of building friendships continued well after my undergraduate studies until today. I had to move about five times from the time I graduated from college until now.

Consequently, I had to start over and make new friends each time. The very few friendships I could make never ran deep and didn’t survive the test of distance.

I felt all alone, and it was a terrible feeling. I couldn’t understand why everyone could make friends so easily, but I had to struggle. It led me to believe that something was wrong with me because I tried. Believe me, I did, but for one reason or the other, everyone eventually left me. I felt unloved, unwanted, rejected, and not good enough. I desperately wanted friends, a community where I belonged. I wanted people to walk with me through my ups and downs, to know me, understand me, love, and accept me. But all I had instead was loneliness and solitude.

Unbeknownst to me, there was already someone who was ready to be my friend and had been in my life long before loneliness ever showed up.

I became a real Christian in 2016, during my last year in graduate school. One of my most persistent prayers was to make friends, find a community, and above all, never feel the void of loneliness again. When I started attending bible studies regularly and going to church every Sunday, I believed God would answer my prayer. God, however, did not.

Once again, I could not understand God. Even as a baby Christian I knew God wanted us to have friends, I knew many Bible verses that illustrated that.

Furthermore, I had heard a few sermons on the importance of a community and accountability. If it was so essential, why then wouldn’t God give me that? Just one friend would do, but God didn’t budge. I asked God to remove my loneliness then, but He didn’t do that either. I began doubting God cared.

Many times I asked God to talk to me, to say something, or give me a sign to know He was still there, but I heard nothing. Sometimes I opened my Bible at random, hoping to fall on a verse that would “speak” to me, but nothing either. It was then that I began to feel like I was pursuing God and not Him pursuing me. I believed that maybe, He never wanted me, that I was saved by mistake, and He never chose me. I had enough one-sided relationships and didn’t want to pursue God too.

The worst thing that happened in my loneliness was believing that God had also left me.

In 2017, after months of spiritual dryness, I decided to rekindle my relationship with Jesus. I researched online on how to get to know Jesus and have a relationship with Him, and I read somewhere to talk to Him like I would a friend, so I did. One night, I sat on my bed and spoke out loud to Jesus.

At first, I felt silly talking to the empty air, assuming a supreme being was listening. I couldn’t help but picture people laughing if they could see me.

Nevertheless, I kept going, and it felt nice to talk. At that time, I was unemployed and had just moved to a new city where I didn’t know anyone, so I could spend days without saying a word. I kept on talking to Him daily while simultaneously getting to know Him better through the Bible. As time went on, I began to trust Him and open my heart to Him. I talked to Him about my pain, my fears, my sins, and brought every hidden area of my heart to His glorious light.

As my relationship with Jesus grew, I realized He was the cure to my loneliness. Jesus was who I needed to fill that void in me, not friends. He is the bread of life that satisfies my hunger and the living water that quenches my thirst. He is also the friend I have been searching for almost all my life. See how Jesus is the perfect friend!

1. He is faithful ( 2 Timothy 2:13)

In life, people tend to come and go like the seasons, bringing with them either cold or warmth. We all want that friend indeed, who sticks closer than a brother, but we already have that friend in Jesus. We can certainly have earthly friends like that, but they may fail us, disappoint us and even betray us; but Jesus won’t. He will never abandon us nor betray us. He will stick with us through thick and thin, never stop loving us, not even when we fail Him.

2. He cares (1 Peter 5:7)

Jesus genuinely cares about us. I had friends that didn’t care how I felt, not even when the hurt was written all over my face. However, Jesus is not like that. He cares about our burdens and problems. Jesus invites us to cast all our fears on Him, comforts us when in sorrow, and listen to the cries of our hearts. He also cares about every detail of our lives, even what may be trivial to us. He cherishes everything about us and is always working to make us better.

3. He is always available ( Matthew 28:20)

Jesus is always available and is never too busy for us. Earthly friends might sometimes be there, but Jesus will always be there, willing to listen and talk to us. Jesus enjoys hearing from us, and we can talk to Him any time and anywhere.

4. He knows and loves us (Psalm 139)

Jesus knows us perfectly and understands us. He knows us better than we even know ourselves. He knows every little thing about us, even those things we try to hide, and He loves us still. Jesus loves us just the way we are and yet loves us too much to leave us the way we are.

5. He is always the same (Hebrew 13:8)

People change, and sometimes our relationship changes with them, but Jesus never changes. He is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. He will always be our perfect and best friend.

What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
And what a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer

Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Joseph M. Scriven

This the part where I say ever since Jesus came into my life, I never felt lonely again, but it is not the case. I still struggle with loneliness and still long for friends to this day. However, my longing has been different since knowing Jesus.

Before, I felt lonely because I needed a friend who knew me, understood me, and loved me, a friend that would be with me forever. Jesus has shown me (and still reminds me) that He is that friend, and only He can satisfy those needs, and He does it daily!

Now, when I feel lonely, it occurs when I am alone and want to be around others; when I want to have conversations about a topic with someone when I go out by myself, etc. As I just moved cities and I am somewhere I don’t have any friends, I frequently feel lonely, and it is still painful at times. When I feel like that, I talk to Jesus or open my Bible, which makes me feel better.

Though sometimes, I scroll endlessly through social media which makes me feel worse (I am work in progress).

Friend, if you are struggling with loneliness, I know your pain very well. The enemy would have you believe that there is no way out and that you are all alone in this world. But the devil is a liar. You are not alone; Jesus is with you and loves you. If you let Him in, He will help you through this season.

Not only is Jesus, the perfect friend, but He also understands what you are going through; Jesus experienced the terrible feeling of loneliness on the cross. If you are feeling lonely today, turn to Jesus, strengthen your relationship with Him, lean on Him, and He will help you conquer it.

Read next The Testing of My Faith: Singleness

  Grace and peace to you!