Like many others, I discovered Michael Todd through his sermon series, “Relationship Goals.” I instantly like Todd; he was funny, cool, relatable, and practical. What I loved most about him—though I didn’t know it then, was Todd’s uncanny ability to make everything about us. His sermons elevated me and tickled my ears, so I binged-watched them and believe everything he said.
Last year, however, through various circumstances, God opened my eyes, and I realized Todd did not handle the Word of God correctly. I stopped listening to him and scraped all his teachings or quotes from my blog. I had no intention of reading his first book, Relationship Goals: How to win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex. But, when I saw it was available for review, I got curious.
I still had the notes I took two years ago, and I wanted to see my reactions now and exercise my discernment skills. My findings were worse than I thought.
About the author
“Michael Todd is the lead pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, alongside his wife, Natalie. They have been entrusted with Transformation Church from the founding pastor, Bishop Gary McIntosh, in 2015, after fifteen years of operation.” He is a first-time author, and his mission is to “represent God to the lost and found for transformation in Christ.“
About the book
Relationship Goals is a manual with practical pieces of advice to help readers succeed in their relationships. Todd wrote this book to help Christians win at all kinds of relationships—not romantic only. And he pulled from his experience and mistakes to help us navigate various relationship pitfalls.
The book is based on a sermon series with the same name that went viral on YouTube two years ago.
Relationship Goals has nine chapters that cover all the steps in a “relationship progression.” The sections are: Taking Aim, Before the Person, The S-word, Intentional Dating, Does it Need to End?, Surrender Your Sexuality, All Tied Up, The Triangle, and, Major Keys to Successful Marriage. Todd’s wife and co-pastor, Natalie, mostly wrote or narrated the final chapter.
My thoughts
Relationship Goals has some strengths. It is easy to read, funny, and practical. Todd shared several stories that probably resonated with many readers, and there are some biblical teachings in the book.
But overall, it is not faithful to Scriptures. The overarching theme of this book is looking out for number one. It’s all about us and doesn’t point to Christ. Todd rarely quotes the Bible, and when he does, he takes most of them out of context and twists them to support unbiblical teachings. Here are some examples.
On the gospel
Todd said our most important relationship is with God, and we must get it right before we can get any other relationship right. I wholeheartedly agree with that. But he wrote about it for only two paragraphs. If our relationship with God is that important, doesn’t it deserve at least a chapter?
He didn’t give a clear gospel presentation to help readers understand how to get to a relationship with God. Here is what he said about salvation.
“And if I’m being honest, I hope you make that same decision for yourself (inviting the Lord Jesus Christ to become your savior). It’s so easy. According to Romans 10:9, all you have to do is ‘declare with your mouth: Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, [and], you will be saved.’ (NIV). If you want to take a minute to do that right now, I promise it’ll be the best decision you’ve ever made. And if you are still not sure, it’s okay. I believe that at just the right time, you’ll know what to do.”
Notice there is no mention of sin or repentance.
On singleness
According to Todd, our singleness should be about us. He said, “a good period of singleness means learning to be a unique self.” And, “Singleness is the time for ‘I’ invest, imagine, and inspire. Invest in what you want to see grow in your life. Imagine what you could be tomorrow if you started today. And inspire others by using everything you have to make a difference.”
This is not what the Bible says about singleness. God ordained singleness as a period to serve Him without distractions.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 says, “the unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things of the Lord, how to please her husband.“
I find it telling that Todd didn’t mention these verses about singleness in his book. My guess is because it doesn’t fit the self-centered thesis.
Todd also encourages us to use singleness to learn to love ourselves. He said, “According to the Word of God, there’s a prerequisite for loving your neighbor: you can love your neighbor only at the level that you love yourself. Crazy, right?… There is no way you can figure out how to love somebody else well in a relationship if you have not first figured out how to love yourself in singleness.”
The Bible does not teach us to love ourselves. When Jesus said to love others as we love ourselves, he implied we already love ourselves. The emphasis was on loving others.
Simple proof: there are dozens of scriptures that say to love others, but there is none that says to love yourself. If it is a prerequisite to fulfilling the second greatest commandment, wouldn’t the Bible say more about it? Instead, Jesus said to deny yourself (Matthew 16:24), and Paul equated loving oneself with godlessness (2 Timothy 3:1-7).
On dating
I like that Todd said dating should be intentional, not recreational. Also, he encouraged us to date in a God-honoring way and set boundaries. But the bulk of his teaching was narcissistic.
For example, in the chapter about ending relationships, Todd said when God wants to bless us; He sends people in our lives, and when the enemy wants to distract or destroy us, he sends people in our lives (he didn’t provide any Scripture to back up that claim). Therefore, Todd described relationships as assets and liabilities and encouraged us to examine the people in our lives to see whether they add or take value from us.
Todd said, “There were people in my life who were greedy, who didn’t care about me or care about what God cares about. So I made the intentional decision to invest only in relationships that are reciprocal. In other words, others bring something to the table as well. It has deepened and enriched my relationships and saved me so much time and heartache, as the people I’m embracing embrace me back.”
Besides this statement being incredibly selfish, it contradicts Jesus’ teachings. Jesus said to love others expecting nothing in return; He didn’t say to embrace only those who embrace you back.
Luke 6:32-36 says, “if you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.”
There is no merit in interchange as it is easy to love those who love you back. Christians must love like Jesus who died for us when we were still His enemies (Romans 5:8)
On sex
I liked that Todd discouraged sex outside of marriage and gave some biblical reasons. But he lost me when he started his discourse on soul ties.
Todd said, “soul ties happen when someone allows his soul to become attached to someone or something that has the power to affect him.” For example, David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1), and Paul and Timothy (1 Timothy 1:2) are soul ties.
There is no such thing as soul ties in the Bible. David and Jonathan had a deep friendship; they didn’t share a mystical bond of the souls. Neither did Paul and Timothy.
Regarding soul ties through sex, he used Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 6:15-17 and Genesis 1:27, which says, “the two will become one flesh.” There is no mention of soul ties in these texts. Moreover, it says the two shall become one flesh. The soul and the flesh are different.
Then he started teaching about spiritually transmitted diseases. He said, “You might be able to protect your physical body against things that can be transmitted sexually, but what about things that are transmitted spiritually?“
And to make matters worse, Todd said we could and should have soul ties with Jesus. His proof text was 1 Corinthians 6:17, which says, “whoever is united in the Lord is one with him in spirit.” Again, no mention of soul ties and the text says spirit.
This entire section reeked of Myles Munroe’s teachings. If you don’t know him, praise God. He was a false teacher (see for yourself).
On marriage
This section was like the previous ones. Todd rightly said the purpose of marriage is to glorify God and to model the relationship between Christ and the church. He mentioned the importance of both spouses being closed to God and used the famous triangle illustration. But there were barely any Scriptures mentioned, and he didn’t explain the few he quoted. Todd based most of his teachings on his experience and wisdom.
My recommendation
There are many other doctrinal issues in Relationship Goals, but this review is already too long. Suffice to say I do not recommend this book. It is not faithful to Scriptures, it is narcissistic, and has several false teachings.
*WaterBrook & Multnomah graciously gave me a complimentary copy in exchange for an honest review.*
Favorite quotes
Let me warn you, some of the things you’ll read in this book are not usually said in books by Christian pastors.
Chapter 1: Taking Aim
This was a tremendous review – winsome in tone and full of specific scriptural references to combat falsehood or near-truth with the truth of the Word of God. Thank you!
Thank you for the kind feedback! I appreciate it!
If you don’t have mutuality, reciprocity, freedom in consideration of marriage or the relationship (individuality), that is a one sided marriage/relationship. I have not read the book, I was just reading reviews before I watched the series and read the book. To love yourself, you have to first know you are loved by God. God is love. You have to learn that first. I also wonder if this book is written for the condition of people and how the world has dictated relationships. Especially with young people. Is the goal to possibly grab their attention from the desperation of loneliness… Read more »
Hi Djm, thank you for reading my book review. I do not call him a false teacher lightly. Like I mentioned in my review, I used to be a huge fan of Michael Todd. I have watched hours of his sermons on Youtube including Relationship goal series. I can say with a clear conscience that he is not biblically sound and you will do well to stay clear from him. I am glad you appreciate my review and I hope it will be a helpful tool as you examine the book yourself and compare it to Scripture.